That Night

That night when my feet felt strange on a distant place

When a wish for a great night seemed to get blurred

I saw you standing, gauging, smiling.

You were a rugged type as they had described

And what do I think of rugged men?




I didn't feel something special

You were a man. Period. A very likeable man.

It was a typical night bounded on streetlights, beer, music and laughters

Did they perceive everything right?

Were you really on to me??


And so began my ever tip-toeing kind of response

Where do you get the so called self-confidence when all your
past storage holds nothing but pristine self-reliance?

How do you step forward then go for a leap?

The should have been's have been counting ever since

Perhaps learning really takes forever



A friend indeed was right.

Perhaps I just couldn't believe then that someone like you may notice me.

Denial. Rebuttal. Cowardice. Doubt. Words that summed up the person in me that night.

I wish I could be someone else.

I wish I had something to back me up on.


(sigh)

If only I was able to sing that night

Maybe then I could have propelled my self esteem

Singing is something I am proud of and you were urging me to sing along

I wish I didn't value the so called "rules" that night.

It was just for a night anyway..


And so again, people around me were right.

They knew better.

They saw better.

They were reading clues and hints that I was so unaware of.

I wish... (sigh) I wish...