Abay

Biglaan. Hindi ko alam kung saan nagmula. Patawad. Masaya naman ako para sa iyo. Para sa inyo.Huwag mo na lamang pansinin ang napipinto kong pagluha. Natutuwa ako sa pagkaputiputi mong trahe de boda. Alam kong kay tagal mong hinintay ang sandaling ito. Kasama kami. Kasama sila. Kasama siya. Nakakatuwa. Subalit nakakaiyak.

Pero totoo, natutuwa ako talaga para sa inyo. Hindi ko lamang mabatid kung bakit ganito. Nangyari na ang ganito noon eh. Mahigit limang taon na siguro ang nakakaraan. Ganitong ganito rin. Pangalawa ka na. O pangatlo ata. Pang-apat? Panglima? Hindi ko na mabilang pa. Nakakaiyak. Ayaw nang paawat ng mga luha ko. Nag-uunahan na sila. Pangalawang henerasyon ka na aking walang sawang dinadaluhan. Masaya ito. Selebrasyon ng simula. Nang una at nang walang hanggan.

Kung bakit sa ganitong pagkakataon ay hindi mawaglit sa isang bahagi ng aking diwa ang maramdaman ang kakulangan ng gantong sandali sa aking buhay. Hindi ko sinasadya. Ayoko naman talaga nito. Ngunit marahil, may mga bagay na hindi talaga natin maaaring pigilan. Patawarin mo ako. Hindi ikaw. Marahil hindi rin ako. Hindi ko lang mapigilang magtanong. Isang tanong ang kanina pa sumisigaw sa aking isip habang kapwa kayo nakaluhod sa altar: Kailan?

Hindi ako naiinggit. Malayo sa inggit. Hindi ko pa alam ang katawagan. Nais ko rin nang kung anong meron ka. Nang kung anong meron kayo. Walang kasingsakit ang paulit ulit kang makakita ng isang pangarap na kailanman ay hindi magiging saýo. Tila ka tinatakam ang sikmura na ilang araw nang walang laman.  Tila ba nanunukso sa isang batang ilang beses nang nawalan ng lobo o dili kaya ay ilang beses nang inagawan ng paboritong kendi. Gustuhin mo mang ‘wag lumingon ay mayroon itong isang ubod lakas na pwersa na nagtutulok sa ýo upang maging saksi. Saksi. Ah! Isang saksi. Isa akong luhaang saksi sa ganitong palabas na kailanman ay hndi magiging akin. Ayoko na sanang lingunin subalit hindi maaari. Gusto ko pa rin naming maging bahagi ng  buhay ng mga tao sa aking paligid. Nais ko pa ring mabuhay. Subalit mas higit kong nais ang mabuhay ng tulad ng meron ka ngayon. Nang may simula. Nang may aasahan. Nang may panghahawakang bukas. Dahil sa totoo lang, ang hindi ko na alam kung saan ako papunta.

Akin nang pinapahid ang basa kong pisngi. Hindi ako magsasawang humingi ng tawad sa iyo. Pero heto lang ang sasabihin ko, tulad ng ibang mga nauna, malilimutan mo rin ako. Masakit subalit totoo. Hudyat na rin ito ng paghabi mo ng sarili mong buhay. Makakaranas ka ng ubod sikad na ligaya at ubod sikad na lungkot, subalit hindi ka mag-iisa. Tandaan mo: andito lang ako. Madalas andito lang naman ako. Ako lang talaga ang nakakalimutan. O baka hindi naman talaga nakakalimutan, hindi lang kailangang mauna sa listahan. Hahaba ang listahan mo at marahil alam mong andito lang naman ako, irereserba mo ako sa huling bilang. Maraming beses nang ganito.

Hindi ko na alam. Basta. Masakit. Totoo pala na literal na sumasakit ang dibdib. Kumikirot. Parang pinipiga sa tuwing pilit na pinipigilan. Patawad, patawad, patawad. Hindi ko na matatapos ang araw na ito kasama ka. Kasama kayo. Mahal kita aking kaibigan. Subalit, gaano mang kasaya ang araw na ito para sa iyo, kailangan ko munang mapag-isa. Patawad. Maaaring ikasama ng loob mo. Naniniwala ako na balang araw, mauunawain mo rin ako. Patawad.

Ayoko na. Ayoko na.

Patawad. Patawad kung nais ko ring maging katulad mo.

Patawad.

The Notebook

   

         

              Isang hapon matapos kong maglinis sa malagubat kong kwarto, marahil na rin siguro sa pagod, natulala na lang ako. Nakatingin sa "shala notebook" ko matapos sulatan ng mga nagastos nung mga nakaraang araw. Sa halos blangkong pahina, nagkaroon ng sariling buhay ang aking kamay. Pinulot ang noo'y nahihimbing ng Mongol ballpen (oo, may ballpen na ang Mongol na brand, hindi lang siya lapis) at kusang nagsulat ng sampung tanong na ibinato ko sa aking sarili. Sa pagtipa ko ngayon sa keyboard ng mumunti kong laptop, sasagutin ko ang bawat tanong... narito ang mga tanong na nakasulat sa aking notebook...




1. T:        'Pag nagka-amnesia ba ako, magugustuhan ko ba ang present situation ko?

    S:        Malamang hindi. Buong inosente kong sasabihin siguro na, "Weh? Hindi nga? 29 years old na 'ko
               tapos wala pa ako asawa? Seryoso?" o kaya, " Ows? di nga?"


2. T:         Naging mabuting anak ba ako?

    S:         Hindi.


3. T:         Kung sinunod ko lang ba ang norm ng Marinig after high school, magsusulat ba ko sa notebook na
                'to ngayon?

    S:         Malamang hindi rin. Malamang walang ganitong notebook at malamang walang blog. Malamang
                din maartehan ako sa konsepto ng blog.


4. T:        I-rate ang sariling kagandahan. 10 as the highest.

    S:        Jeez! Dahil honest talaga akong sumagot, 'eto ------ 6.5-----------


5. T:         Magpapasko na. Ano ba talagang wish ko?

    S:         May nagtanong nito sa akin kanina na isang kaibigan. Sabi ko sa kanya, biglaang sagot din yun  
                actually, sabi ko, sana maging iba naman yung dahilan ng ultimate happiness ko.


6. T:        Anong xmas wish gift ko?

    S:        Yung katulad na singsing ni Celine!! (Character na babae sa favorite kong movie na Before
               Sunrise)


7. T:        Kung may gusto kang baguhin physically, ano yun? Isa lang huh.

    S:        Yung shape ng legs ko. Maskulado kasi eh. hindi ako makapag-skirt.


8.  T:       Anong ultimate question ko kay Lord?

     S:       Lord, bakit wala pa po hanggang ngayon? Saka pede pang dagdagan yung question? Bakit ba
               talaga? Darating pa ba? Bakit hindi po ako normal? Bakit effortless sa iba? Kulang pa ba talaga?
               Masama po ba kung minsang magkumpara ako sa ibang tao? Kung masamang mainggit, bakit nyo
               po hinayaan ang taong makaramdam ng ganitong pakiramdam? Masama ba 'tong ginagawa ko na
               kwestiyunin ka? Masama ba akong tao? Wala akong sinusunod na alituntunin sa buhay kundi ang
               maging totoo sa sarili at mabuhay nang walang tinatapakan. Ang una po ba'y nagiging isang
               kahinaan ko pa?


9. T:         Once and for all, matatapos na ang taon, ano ba talagang makakapagpasaya sa akin?
    S:         Tawagin ko na lang siya sa salitang "katapat".


10. T:        Message ko sa sarili ko:

      S:        Huy, matatapos na 2012. Tiningnan mo kanina checklist mo, wala ka pa sa kalahati. What does it
                 say about you then? Na you're a loser since walang check lahat? Did you even try to do all of
                 them? O tulad ng dati, puro ka lng satsat? Ang hirap sa 'yo, ang dami mong drama pero wala ka
                 namang aksyon. Masakit di ba? Masakit isipin na alam mo yung gusto mo pero hindi mo
                 magawa. Gawin nating halimbawa yung nangyari recently lang. Item# 25. Andun ka na't lahat,
                 ano pang nangyari? Kumbaga sa kasabihan, isusubo mo na lng, nawala pa sa bibig mo? Bakit?
                 Bakit? Shet.

                  Oo. Aminado naman ako ah! Andun na ko, lulunukin ko na lang bakit isinuka ko pa? 
                 Gusto mong malaman kung bakit? Kasi mismong sarili ko yung hindi sumunod! Lahat ng 
                 gusto kong mangyari, narealize ko na hindi magmamaterialize kung hindi sasang-ayunan 
                 kung anu mang letseng nasa loob ng utak o letseng puso na 'to! Napakadaling sabihin na 
                 gusto ko nito, ng ganyan... pero pag nasa sitwasyon ka na, may kung anong pwersang 
                 humihila. I was so sure of myself when I was inside that room. God knows I was ready. But 
                I guess I was doomed! Goodness may mga dapat pa rin pa lang kailangang ikonsidera in  
                the long  run! Now am I rationalizing my failure to put a check on item # 25?! Yeah right I 
               guess I am!

                Well I really think you are!!!!!  So what now? Another list for 2013?

                I don't know.  You tell me.

                You know what, I don't want to call you a loser because that makes me a loser as well. In
               fact right now, upon writing this, I honestly think I am. Or you are. Whatever. Suddenly
              we're having this conversation. I don't think this would help you.  Pero I remember you
             before wanting to be alone somewhere. To be alone and don't think of anyone or anything.
            No celfone. No internet. No books. No torrents. No family. Even no friends. Perhaps then you
            might come up with a solid plan of what you really want. Honestly, I think that's what you
            need. A plan. You don't have a plan at all sa buhay mo na 'to. Remember when you were at
           the Mind Museum sa The Fort? After watching the show about the evolution of the earth?                
          About how life on earth was developed? About how many billions of years it took to be here
          right now? Ang ganda ng effect sa 'yo nun. What you watched was all about science pero ang
          ganda ng implication sa'yo: Na ang span ng buhay ng tao sa mundong ibabaw ngayon ay hindi
          man lamang maihahantulad sa isang tuldok kung anong meron na ang kasaysayan. Lahat ng
          ginagawa natin ngayon, lilipas rin 'to after millions of years. Hindi na tayo uulit. Unless totoo
          ang reincarnation. So why not enjoy life? Stop asking questions. Do something that will make
          you happy and make it happen. Kasi after all, isang chance lang meron ka. Unless uli, sa
          reincarnation. I should stop at this. Im thinking of soul right now na might lead to something
          else. Anyways, the point is, you only have one life to spare. Spare it wonderfully. Sana lang
          hindi ka mamatay agad para magkaron ka pa ng mahabang panahon para maisakatuparan
          ang mga bagay na makapagpapasaya sa'yo. Hehehhehe...

            Sa pagkakaalam ko hate na hate ko ang mga self-help books.Why do you/I sound like one? 
           But hell you are damn right. I remember the impact thought of that Mind Museum show. But 
           then again, ang dali nga kasing magsalita. Ewan ha. Call me pessimistic, pero ganun nga lang
           talaga siguro. Para lang akong ungas sa pagsusulat nito. kinakausap ko ang sarili ko! Teka?
          ikaw ba ano bang message mo sa sarili mo? (At tinanong ko tlg ang sarili ko... sarili ko...tapos 
          ibang level ng sarili tinanong..parang pelikulang Inception..pumasok sila sa panaginip tapos 
         from that panaginip, nanaginip uli ng panibagp so ibang level na ng panaginip, mas malalim, 
         kaya nakakalito syang panoorin!)
   
          Hehehe. Ok lang yan. Wala namang rules dito eh. And since you asked, amg message ko sa'yo
         aking sarili ay ganito: Walang iwanan.

          







              

Untitled

   

"Uhmm-Ok-There-Really-Were-Moments-Like-These-And-I-Know-It's-Another-Typical-Musing-Of-Mine-So-Please-Bear-With-Me"

That moment when you waited so long for your rest day, only to find out that you had nothing to do on that day….

That moment when you eagerly bought a book … ended up reading the first ten pages then quit reading….

That moment when you finally built the courage to message someone on FB ...the said  message still not receiving a reply (for months now)….

That moment when you appreciated an old movie and wondered how come it received bad reviews….

That moment when you longed for a rain to pour then prayed for it to stop once it has started a rhythm….

My Bwakaw Experience

     

       

            (FYI: Spoiler alert)

Browsing the entries for Cinemalaya 2012 a month ago was exciting. It was like choosing the best among the best (is there a better superlative than the best?). It was like choosing a beauty queen out of the top 25 candidates in the pageant. I read teasers. Watched trailers. I believed I could only watch 3 films so I really had to decide which ones should be (given the available time and yes,budget). Bwakaw was my number one choice. Bwakaw was sold out instantaneously to my distress. Good thing it was chosen as the box office hit so slots were offered once again. Thanks to Ticketworld (though they charged me extra Php54). It was geez, raining last Sunday when I claimed my ticket at the head office. Rained even harder on my way going to CCP, but what the heck.

Bwakaw, is a movie about an old gay Rene, played by Eddie Garcia. He was  living alone, matter-of-factly waiting for his death. With him was this dog named as the title who was with him almost all throughout the film. It was not another dog story that anyone could think about. It was about a larger view of life and death as a whole. It was about acceptance, friendship, love, pain and what really matters to us.

Rain

                 It’s been raining non-stop for days now and yesterday was no exception. It was the last day of my shift for the week so I was so eager to get home despite the rain. I was dreaming of hot noodle soup, pancakes and warm bed at home. The trip from Makati to our place took almost 2 hours . I dropped by a supermarket to purchase some items needed for my food craving.

                It was still raining when I got home that afternoon. The moment I stepped down from the tricycle, I saw how our front yard dramatically changed. Not that it was the first time I saw it, (my brother did the changes weeks back for his upcoming business) but it still gives me a frown whenever I see the image of the transformation that he had done.

               The landscape that I used to know was nowhere to be seen.

               The lush green and other colors were no longer there.

               The fence, long gone.

               Our bare house could be seen instantly from the road.

LSS

         After watching the movie Wicker Park... I suffered from LSS with the song The Scientist by Coldplay. As a result, I ended doing an acapella ... I am not a fan of Coldplay but after hearing the song as soundtrack,  I downloaded their albums. Great band. By the way, great movie. I love the ending and I love Josh Hartnett. :)

ILOCOS Trip- April 16-18, 2012

                The farthest north that I have gone!Whew.

             We hunted for airfare seat sale for months but no no avail, we decided to do it by bus. Yup! On the eve of May 15, sunday, we hurried to Partas bus terminal in Pasay hoping to get a deluxe bus going to Laoag. Deluxe. whoah! Well, it's like a standard bus where you can recline your seat to the max and have a goodnight sleep. Less passengers, too! Well, that's how I can describe it. hehehe.  We phoned in of course before going there to be sure that we have the slot but to our surprise, once we're there, the bus wasn't available. So we contented ourselves with the deluxe bus going to Vigan instead (Php795). Oh boy! 10 hours of bus ride! Good thing I always find my sleep cooperative anywhere, anytime. So we left Pasay at 1900 (Partas do know how to spell PUNCTUALITY) and arrived in Vigan at around 0400. We took a bus from Vigan to Laoag (Php 158).  

                 So as what it was, an all-girl trip to north! With me were Laila Ibay, Esmie Bayawa and Debbie David. :)

Galera - April 8, 2012

Puerto Galera - The. Most. Practical. Beach. Getaway
 So here are some of the photos!With me were Cel, Tnoi and Ed. :)

  

One Saturday And I Was On Leave

Gusto kong magsulat.

Ngayon. Ngayon mismo. Yung walang tigil. Walang humpay. Walang ieedit kundi ang spelling na eventually typo din naman later. Kung anong maisip, issulat ko.

Sabado.

Dapat may trabaho. Sa kabutihang palad, ipinasa ng isang katrabaho ang leave na dapat ay para sa kanya. Presto. Petiks mode.

Untitled

Im thinking of my mom. Earlier I had my dinner, alone as usual at a not-so-fancy restaurant somewhere and I saw a mom and her two daughters eating opposite my table. A strike of bitterness hit  me. I have always loved the idea of treating my mom of something when she was still alive. The problem was, back then, I was still at school. I still want to give her a treat though. If only I could…

100 To Do’s for 2012

So it was in the first week of this year when a friend told me how he was planning to have a list of 100 things to accomplish for 2012… At dahil inggitera ako, nag-joinsung rin ako sa idea. Why not, diba? Hehehe… here is my list… in random order… simple lang naman sila...nothing fancy..chos! pero wag ka, simple lang daw pero hindi ko pa machechek-an jan yung iba...hehehhe...I made sure na achievable sila… yung iba frustrations… yung iba para idisiplina lang yung sarili ko… yung iba long-time  dream…oo, dream na maii-consider… yung iba kailangan ng tulong mula sa iba, yung iba kailangan ng budget at yung iba kailangan ng tulong ng tadhana..ni Miss Fate….

To Ed, … let’s see kung ilan ang machecheck-an before the year 2012 ends..hehhee…

Babala: Pagtitiyaga sa pagbabasa ay kailangan.

1.       Color my hair red ( as in ) and see what will be the effect!

2.       Photo with a celebrity

3.       Never miss a day to feed ASIMO - my alkansiya (kung ma-miss man, may multa)

4.       Ceiling inside my room

5.       Color my fingernails gold

6.       Hair rebond before my birthday and before xmas

7.       Go to Boracay

8.       Wear a skirt

9.       Watch Hunger Games with CVG friends in March

10.   27’’ waistline (maintain measurement for a week!)

Frustrated of Downloading Before Sunset's Best Scene, I Resorted To This!

Before Sunset

Scene VI – The Car Ride

Location notes: Quai Henri IV is located on the Right Bank just west of Pont d’Austerlitz.

Jesse: Glad somebody does. Now, this is better than the Metro, right?

Céline: Definitely!

(The camera cuts ahead of the car, leading it as it pulls onto the main road. The conversation continues.)

Céline: I was thinking...for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life. (Cut to interior of the car.) It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

Jesse: Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?

Céline: Yes, obviously, I can't deal with the day to day life of a relationship. Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves, and I miss him, but at least I'm not dying inside. When someone is always around me, I'm like suffocating!

Jesse: No, wait, you just said that you need to love and be loved...

Céline: Yeah, but when I do it quickly makes me nauseous! It's a disaster... I mean I'm really happy only when I'm on my own. Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times...you...you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but... there were no real...connection or excitement. At least not from my side.

Jesse: God, I'm sorry, is it...is it really that bad? It's not, right?

Céline: (Shaking her head with eyes nearly watering.) You know...it's not even that. I was...I was fine, until I read your fucking book! It stirred shit up, you know? It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things, and now it's like...I don't believe in anything that relates to love. I don't feel things for people anymore. In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one night, and I was never able to feel all this again. Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

The Best Experience for 2011!!!

Yoooohoooooo!!!!!!!!!! I am soooo proooooud of this!!!!!!!!! 

My Travels for the Year 2011

    The year 2011 is the most travelled year for me. I will always be thankful for the people responsible for making my travels safe and memorable. I was able to put my mark from Luzon to Mindanao plus one international trip pa! I think it is fun to take a peek on those trips one by one...

Galera (January 30)

     

         This started it all. With me were my teamates Debbie David, Esmie Bayawa, Tere Domine, Dinah Salazar, Kristel Riano, Cj Mendoza, Ryan Presaldo and Chad Miclat. We wanted something outdoor and something cheap so Galera Getaway came into being!

This One Never Fails to Make Me Smile

Camiguin Pictures

Taken on White Island, Camiguin on November 6, 2011.

Who Are You?

join me in one of my trips...

That Night

That night when my feet felt strange on a distant place

When a wish for a great night seemed to get blurred

I saw you standing, gauging, smiling.

You were a rugged type as they had described

And what do I think of rugged men?

Guess Who's The Newest Product Endorser of Bench!!!!!

Tandaradan...............

(drums roll)

I Bought This Pair of Shoes For Only Php299!

Wahahaahah!

See my colorful fingernails???hhehehe

I bought this pair at People Are People in Glorietta. I asked the store associate twice if the price was right. The display I saw was a size 39. Good thing Kuya looked for my size. 36. 

Photo Courtesy of Khervin

While playing cards with " the amigas"

Raven While Playing Angry Birds

There is a curious bird!

Of Why This So Called Loyalty To Jollibee

      I remember taking a pledge before the year 2011 started. I promised not to eat at any fast food resto, particulary Jollibee because of the accumulated fats inside my belly. Suddenly on July 30, 2011,  I told myself, " What the heck! I want Jollibee Spaghetti right now." And so began my ever loyalty to Jollibee again. That morning, aside from the spaghetti, I also had my hot choco, Creamy Macaroni Soup and Regular Yum!

Wednesday Tambay

Date:                   October 5, 2011, Wednesday
Venue:                Tnoi's residence in Sulawesi Island (we don't know exactly where it is)
Event:                 Long-waited Tambay
Participants:        Rose, Tnoi, Ed and Cel

Details (my own version):

a week or two before  -everyone had agreed to meet on wed, oct 5, wed being the rest day of Tnoi and me. the last time I saw Tnoi was in May when we went to Coron.
5:00 - Tnoi texted me that he could not accompany me on surprised Nanay Lita's (Ed's mom) birthday celeb
7:30 - I texted and called Tnoi that he should accompany me because he said yes last night
8:00 - Tnoi called and said yes. He will wait at SM Calamba
9:30  - finally I got inside the Greenstar Bus
10:00  - I texted Tnoi that I was on my way to SM Calamba
10:00-ish  -Tnoi texted that he won't be with me that he would rather do the cleaning of his place since we will be coming over later for our tambay
          - I told Ed that it was just me alone coming to his mom's birthday.

Karen and Mom

       I love the voice of Karen Carpenters. Hers was the voice that didn’t need high notes just to prove a point of what a good voice quality is. I was influenced by my mom when it comes to liking the Carpenters songs. When she was still around, Karen’s songs were part of our family set up. She used to sing along with videoke whenever she could. My mom’s voice quality sometimes had given me goose bumps. I was in my early teen when we had that videoke player that she really had a fondness of. Love Me for What I Am, Just Fall In Love Again, There’s A Kind of Hush, You, Yesterday Once More, Solitaire, Only yesterday, Love Me for What I Am, I Won’t Last a Day Without You… these are just some of the songs my mom and Karen influenced me.

One Saturday

        Today is saturday and is my last day for work. As always, I am stuck here in my room. I'm bored. What a productive life I have. I had a dinner with Ed the other night. He told me that he and Tnoi met to watch a movie. Catching up on each other's life. Tnoi, according to him, learned to make sure that his rest days will be spent out productively. For example, when he started to notice that he has been into dvd movies for quite a time, he would get up and go out somewhere. Go out somewhere. Why can't I do that?

The Diferrent Faces of Raven

       I have two nephews. One is Khervin, he is 8. Then the other one is Raven, he is 5. I love them both. For today, I hope Khervin won't mind but today's blog will be about Raven. I was transferring some photos from my camera to my netbook when this picture caught me laughing hilariously....

LBM.

       The Korean Film Festival is now on-going at MOA. My Facebook account says that I will be attending the event. I love Korean films! They are thought-provoking, honest, unique, fresh and actors are so nice to look at. Same thing with their telenovelas. Wow. Was it 3 or 4 years ago when I found myself so hooked-up with Jang Geum and Kapitan Ming?? Kept calling Song Hye Kyo as Jessie because of Fullhouse. Fell in love with Gong Yoo in Coffee Prince. Watched Secret Garden on Youtube.For Korean films,top in my list is A Memory to Remember. It's a sure movie to give your heart a good cry. I also like Natalie. My Sassy Girl. 100 Days with Mr. Arrogant. Summer Time (if I have the translation right huh, this is the version of our own Scorpion Nights). And others ,english titles were forgotten. I have a terrible memory for remembering things. 

        So I told myself that I will be catching a 6:30pm schedule for My Dear Enemy (premise: a single woman at her 30's hunted her ex-boyfriend since he owed her $1000). But, something happened that made me cancelled the schedule. I got this LBM. Been going to bathroom for 3-4 times every two hours! Crap. Even until now I am still suffering from it. I can still feel the rumblings inside my tummy. I feel so drained. haays. 

My post it entry for September 21. I do write on post it
 basically about anything to keep me sane.

       I got my post it last night. Scribbled " LBM! LBM! GO AWAY!!!! then post it on my wall. grr!

Back at Home

                I don’t know why people back at home think that I am living a wealthy life here in Makati. They rarely see me. I don’t even talk to my neighbors anymore. I don’t remember boasting anything. There’s nothing to boast about. Does it mean that just because I am in this city, I should be saving more than enough? Well I don’t think so.  Crap. I do know how to spell D-E-B-T-S.  I guess the operative word is “negative”. Although, sometimes, they remind me of what should be my status:

Married. Financially stable. With kids. Normal.